A Feeling of Mine

Is it the feeling for everyone who plan for his/her wedding? why i am so restless?? Is it true if i feel like this??u know that i feel very depressed. He, i know he feel the same but how can he be so calm with this?? I am starting to confuse, not trust him again, not sure about us again, and so on and so forth. 

Damn why i have feel this?? if my friend said "married is easy,its depend on the concept" then she changed his point of view when i explain about culture and money, she said "i would think it over again if i am gonna have a marriage." See????Yes we know we have not prepare anything yet. Budget, Location,Organizer,  our parents and anything else.

This is only the beginning, i know it can make me so mad, yes we just start, this is the beginning, what about in the middle?Will i feel like in the middle of nowhere?That's no one trusts me and all of them disagree with my opinion???Oh my goodness!OK, let say i am ready with 'in the middle' then finishing... would it be more complicated???or more simple??maybe or perhaps?Not sure yet. Finishing:check all the preparation, and feel like butterfly in my stomach!Hhhhhu wait for the day, fitting, check the conditions,committee,and all small things

finish???e'em i don't think so!

Gosh!

Actually not those things i am thinking about tonight. I am thinking about my boo. About his conditions, his financial condition actually. I dont know he has an account or not, sorry i mean a saving. Recently, i never know his outcome.I even didn't know his goods!All i know just he has his own salary, pay all his daily, and so son. All i want i don't want to know, but honestly i am curious...

I am too afraid to ask him about this. This is his rights to use his own money. He started to become a not generous person anymore. He also never shows me his account again. Usually when he wanted to withdraw some money, he asked me to do it, yes, because i know the number. Now???He never!Does he hide something from me about it???and usually he let me know his last balance  after taking some money in the automatic machine, but now not again...

I hope there is nothing wrong. usually he always tells me everything about his conditions and his needs...but recently he push me away to know about it. 

 OK, another things:Hhmm his passion, care, His attentions==>Good;Nothing changes.
Well, let me think first...His frequents call:Great. His attention: Good. His passion:So so. His honesty: OK. yes so far everything is OK. only that one that makes me thinking so hard.