Dedicated to the past

U know i adore you. from the 1st time that i saw you,i know i never be yours or you never be mine. I never understand, too why you never talk to me. You only see me, stare at me, and i?? I just looked at you  while i was blushing  when you see me.

U hurt me. You left me. You never care me, you also never smile at me, but why i never upset or mad??I was just like a lil' girl who adore her idol so much and cant do anything when her idol left her behind without any words.

i know, you never want me, you never really care or love or adore me. I was just your muse.

The past, no hurt feeling when i know you just called me as your doll. Now why  i am sure you never be mine and i cant love you like i adore you before.

How can i tell you i want to be your friend. I wanna be your girl friend but not your lover. I understand the only way to be your girl friend is be your lover. i cant. I really cant. I don't know why,this is the part i don't understand the most.

I like you so much, i f i could hold you.. i wanna be by your side,listen to your voice. i wanna care about you. i wanna see you day and night,but that's that. not more than that.

There's something  that i cant understand and say with words..

My love for you like unreal feeling that i have and i never have it to anyone else before.

Its true, i mean it from the bottom of my heart.. and the real feeling that i have for my beloved is also the feeling that i never give to anyone else, including you.

He is To Me

Mungkin yang dia butuhkan bukan cuma sekedar pacar, tunangan, atau istri tapi lebih dari sekedar semua itu. Apa yang dia liat setiap pagi setiap bangun tidur mungkin itu yang selalu dia mau. Kecupan ditangan kanan&kening serta tambahan kecupan mesra dibibir dan pipi setiap pagi sebelum dia berangkat mungkin itu yang selalu ia tunggu-tunggu. Teman cerita selepas penat seharian mungkin itu juga yang ia butuhkan setiap malam sebelum dia bermanja-manja dan melepas lelahnya. Yang dia inginkan juga bukan sekedar teman bersenang-senang, tapi juga teman untuk bertualang dan menjelajah. Tapi bukan teman yang melebihi tangguhnya kekukatan dia. Dia juga butuh pengakuan bahwa dialah yang harus berada di depan dan memandu. Di juga selalu ingin melindungi, bukan sekedar menggandeng tapi merangkul. Dia ingin dimengerti dengan sepenuh hati,bukan sekedar pengertian Jangan berharap dia akan berkata lebih untuk mengungkapkan isi hatinya, tapi jangan pula terkejut saat dia melakukan apa yang selalu kita harapkan. Dan saat dia diam, tanpa kata, dan mulai berbicara singkat dan to the point, disaat itulah ia butuh belaian dan keikhlasan untuk mengakui kesalahan. Saat ego merajainya, dia hanya butuh sedikit rasa mengerti untuk memenuhi apa yang ia inginkan. Dia bukan seoarang yang ingin melakukan kesalahan dua kali, namun bukan juga selalu menjadi baik.

Dia, dengan semua kerja kerasnya, tanggung jawabnya, ketulusan, dan keikhlasannya.

-Echo Wibowo-

A Feeling of Mine

Is it the feeling for everyone who plan for his/her wedding? why i am so restless?? Is it true if i feel like this??u know that i feel very depressed. He, i know he feel the same but how can he be so calm with this?? I am starting to confuse, not trust him again, not sure about us again, and so on and so forth. 

Damn why i have feel this?? if my friend said "married is easy,its depend on the concept" then she changed his point of view when i explain about culture and money, she said "i would think it over again if i am gonna have a marriage." See????Yes we know we have not prepare anything yet. Budget, Location,Organizer,  our parents and anything else.

This is only the beginning, i know it can make me so mad, yes we just start, this is the beginning, what about in the middle?Will i feel like in the middle of nowhere?That's no one trusts me and all of them disagree with my opinion???Oh my goodness!OK, let say i am ready with 'in the middle' then finishing... would it be more complicated???or more simple??maybe or perhaps?Not sure yet. Finishing:check all the preparation, and feel like butterfly in my stomach!Hhhhhu wait for the day, fitting, check the conditions,committee,and all small things

finish???e'em i don't think so!

Gosh!

Actually not those things i am thinking about tonight. I am thinking about my boo. About his conditions, his financial condition actually. I dont know he has an account or not, sorry i mean a saving. Recently, i never know his outcome.I even didn't know his goods!All i know just he has his own salary, pay all his daily, and so son. All i want i don't want to know, but honestly i am curious...

I am too afraid to ask him about this. This is his rights to use his own money. He started to become a not generous person anymore. He also never shows me his account again. Usually when he wanted to withdraw some money, he asked me to do it, yes, because i know the number. Now???He never!Does he hide something from me about it???and usually he let me know his last balance  after taking some money in the automatic machine, but now not again...

I hope there is nothing wrong. usually he always tells me everything about his conditions and his needs...but recently he push me away to know about it. 

 OK, another things:Hhmm his passion, care, His attentions==>Good;Nothing changes.
Well, let me think first...His frequents call:Great. His attention: Good. His passion:So so. His honesty: OK. yes so far everything is OK. only that one that makes me thinking so hard.

About My LuvLy Mamas

Aq mencintainya dengan semua kekurangannya

• Kalau tidur dy mangap
• Dy juga ga bisa tidur kalau ga ada suara2 musik
• Dy bukan planner yang baik

Aq juga menyayanginya dengan semua keadaannya

• Dy kurus dan suka kentut sembarangan
• Dy apa adanya dan introvert
• Dy juga tak perna mengungakapkan keinginannya

Aqpun bangga dengan semua usahanya

• Dy seorang hard worker
• Dy juga penuh kejutan
• Dy juga selalu berusaha semaksimal mungkin

Aq selalu rindu dengan spontanitasnya

• Dy penuh kejutan
• Dy penuh sensasi
• Dan dy juga selalu membuatku tertawa

Dan aq mau mendampinginya seumur hidupku

• Dy sangat bertanggung jawab
• Dy pun bisa kupercaya
• Dan dy tak pernah mau mengulang kesalahannya

Untittled

I dont know what to write, but i am trying anyway. This afternoon i just heard that he is going to the hospital which was his ex's ex hospital. Actually, he did not know about it but i told him. hhmm just told him, no other purposes. After that, i felt blue mood but not too blue. Just wanna be alone. I dont want him to call until he is home. 

I took a bath, in my bath room i thought about them. What i'd done, what she had done, and what he had done to me and her. I dont regret anything, i really feel free and satisfied. If i remember about her, the one thing that i hate the most was she insulted my baby, she also humiliated the family and also wanted to hurt my baby. 

I was trying to found her out, and i got it. Nothing special, she is still bitchy, like a hostess Actually she is OK, but i really cant stand her when she act like a beautiful one. Yes, she only act ahahahah... Hmmmm now, i feel fine. I lie if i said i have no hard feeling, but i try to forget it. I and Mamas are going to married, i trust him even sometimes he remembers that bitch only for no reason(according to him) but for me, there is always a reason, a GUILTY  

v

Nyaddar juga gw!

Pagi ini, gw ketinggalan subuh (lagi) entah untuk yag keberapa kalinya. g pun brgegas buat kepasar,nganterin emak gw. singkat cerita, ada prasaan yang ga ikhlas melanda tp ttp gw jalani.


Abis itu gw siap2 buat jalan sm kakaknya cowo gw. gw pun melenggang dijalan yang lengang. biasalah,Jakarta kl lebran yaaa kaya gitu, tp trust me its not more then 3days!
Setelah nyampe cawang,gw langsung jalan ke ITC.. sumpah itu pusat perbelanjaan ramenya ampun2.. sedikit prihatin sih, tu ibu2 kaga ada yang bikin ketupat apa ya??atau yang bapa2 ga ada yang ada ikutan kerja bakti bersihin mesjid buat shalat ied..atau ikut takbiran gitu.
ga nemuin sesuatu yang berarti, gw pun bertolak kePGC. sama. PENUH!
akhirnya kitapun pulang.gw kecawang.Disana gw mendapati sosok yang sepertinya ga asing buat gw.Yup,its Cebreh!tp dia ga lama, abis itu dy pulang.Gw pu balik abis shalat dzuhur, sebelum ashar.Cuaca mendung,petir, dingin.


Setelah nympe pom bensin unutk beli bensin, gw pun melaju,tp beberapa saat kemudian hujan turun dengn derasny tanpa basa-basi. g pun berteduh.mungkin 30menit gw bertuh,tp hujan kian dahsyat. gw pun mulai istighfar,sambil harap2 cemas,karena permukaan halte tempat ge berteduh mulai banjir.ga lama setelah itu,gw pun nekad nerobos hujan, hanya dengan sweater dan bismillahi tawwakaltu alallahu lahaulawalakuata illa billah, gw pun menerjang genangan air tapi gw ga merasa khawatir sama sekali,ga ada rasa takut, gw malah sempet ketawa cekikikan di motor. tp setelah itu gw kedinginan.


Gw mampir ke gading, gading ga seramai tempat2 tadi.
lama gw berjalan, ada sesuatu yang kurang sepertinya, selain gw terus merasa haus, tapi kali ini ada hal yang hilang, bahkan gw sampe lupa kalo besok itu lebaran. yang gw inget adalah gw mau buka dirumah, cepet smape dan gimana biar ga keujanan lagi.
Gw liat jam gw, uda lewat waktu ashar, tapi biasanya kalo abis ashar gini, yang gw dengar itu adalah sesuau yang bukin gw girang, bukan hingar bingar musik lain..
satu jam lewat dari ashar dan gw sadari yang hilang adalah kumandam ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR LAAAAAILA HAILLAHUALLAHU AKBAR berkali-kali. tpai sore ini? gw sama sekali ga denger itu.


gw akhirnya memutuskan untuk pulang.gw kira, diluar mall sana akan gw denger suara itu, tp gw salah, gw pun tetp ga denger suara itu. bahkan mesjid oun ga mengumandamkannya hanya karena hujan(mungkin) kemana anak2 bocah iseng yang suka teriak2, mana para pejuan di jalan Allah, kemana semua mereka?


waktu berbukapun tiba,gw menyantap makanan emak gw. setelah itu gw bertanya"ma ko ga ada yang takbiran y?"
ga lama kemudian gw denger takbir bertalu2, dan itu rasanya sama seperti waktu gw jatuh cinta, deg-degan, seneng, pengen jingkrak-jingkrakan... Subhanallah akhirnya gw denger juga suara itu....ingin rasanya gw denger itu sepanjang malam ,setiap hari. Damaaaai banget gw rasanya.Dalam shalat magribh gw, gw pun hanya berharap"aku ingin merasakan indah ini tahun depan lagi

click this Link!

www.brastick.com

My mamas